we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
