i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
