i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Randomize
