she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
