What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
