Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
you had me at cake vodka
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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