She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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