i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
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