Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
