Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
