I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
