Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
