There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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