WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize