so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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