Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
