so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
