i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize