That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
