Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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