I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Enjoy the penises
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
