I feel like I'm in dance class right now
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
