i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
