Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
