I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Randomize
