I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
