this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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