She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
