this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize