she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Randomize
