I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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