3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
