Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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