ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
