there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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