I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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