This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
