If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
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