dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
