i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
