I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
