New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
3 2 1 whiskey
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Randomize
