you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
