Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
