Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
