Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize