dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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