I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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