I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
