i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Barsexuality is the new black.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
