my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
