I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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