before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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