I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
