would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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