She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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