are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
