I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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