fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
