These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
