Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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