god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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