I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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