Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize