Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
