I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
