Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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