Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
