This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
