So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize