I only kidnapped one of them. chill
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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