It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
