She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Bring me that man meat
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
