Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
oh god was she eating orange peels again
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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