I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
