Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
