Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
