my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
