Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize