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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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