Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
