It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
