just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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