"it" just moved
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
