well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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