The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
