i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
