We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
