She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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