so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
