Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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