I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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