I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
