There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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