She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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