yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
