does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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