p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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