he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
