Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
