You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
