90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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