Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
