We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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