Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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