That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
