i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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