I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize