Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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