I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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