if you like me you must not know who I am
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
