Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
