how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
