he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
