I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
