this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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