so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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